Blonde jokes

[Can1]

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.


Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

[Can1]

Q. Do you know the true reason for all of these blonde jokes?
A. Brunettes and redheads think they look smart making them all up!

Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes???
A. LUCKY! (She finally gets some attention!)

Q. What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A. A Redhead who has told one too many dumb blonde jokes.

Q. What does a redhead miss the most at a party?
A. The Invitation !

Q. Why are there so many blonde jokes?
A. Because the blondes are out with all the men, the brunettes and redheads have nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday nights.

[Can1]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

[Can1]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[Can1]

There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store.

The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"

[Can1]

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

[Can1]

Q. What do you call a zit on a dumb blonde's ass?
A. A brain tumor.

Q. What do you get when you turn 3 dum blondes upside-down?
A. Two brunettes.

Q. What's the Blonde's cheer?
A. " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q. Why did the dumb blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A. To see what was on the other side.

Q. Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A. Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q. Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A. She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q. Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A. Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q. Why did the dumb blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A. So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A. From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A. In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A. So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q. Why did God create blondes?
A. Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q. Why did God create brunettes?
A. Neither could the blondes.

Q. Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A. So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A. To turn the blinker off.

Q. Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A. She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A. She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q. Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A. Because it kept falling out.

Q. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q. Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A. She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q. What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A. Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q. What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A. A blond doing cartwheels.

Q. What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A. They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q. Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A. She missed the Earth!

Q. Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A. She blew it both times!

Q. How do you know when a blonde's been in your fridge?
A. Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q. What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A. All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A. About 2 cans of hair spray.

Q. What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A. Pick them up off the floor.

Q. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A. The vegetable garden.

Q. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A. One.

Q. What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?
A. Far-from-thinkin.

Q. Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A. Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q. What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1. The Blonde!
A2. The other guys waiting their turn.

Q. What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A. 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A. "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.

Q. What's a blonds' favorite rock group?
A. Air Supply.

Q. What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A. A blond electrician.

Q. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A. So brunettes can remember them.

Q. Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A. Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A. They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q. What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A. Perri-air.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q. When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A. When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!

Q. What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A. The Air Pump!

Q. Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A. Because she got an F in sex.

Q. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A. She missed.

Q. Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A. They can't keep their calves together!

Q. When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A. After a dye job.

Q. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme.

Q. What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A. "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

[PySSyCaT]

W. E. M. L :)